I think it’s pretty obvious that television has ruined the whole world and is slowly sliding the human race towards its inevitable end. That’s exactly what I said when I stood in front of my very first television set ever, in the window of Magpie Electronics on the corner of Harrison Street. It wasn’t the most typical thing you hear from a six-year-old, true, but even those shrinks they took me to partially agreed; television is a scourge.

I was more into radio, myself. And nowadays, there are digital antennas all over Melbourne…why can’t they be repurposed to provide us with 500 different radio stations instead of 500 different channels. Can you imagine the wealth of choice that would come from such a thing? You have a radio, updated with all this modern technology. Maybe it’s a smart-radio (see how I use their new-fangled terms) and you can tell it what you want to hear. Your antenna scoops the radio waves out of the air, which I’m pretty sure is how radios work, and then feeds them into your smart radio from anywhere on the globe! You could even listen to Albajerian radio shows if you wanted to, except Albajerian is a forsaken language that no one should ever learn. What did they ever do for us during the war? I can’t actually remember, but if I can’t remember then it must mean that it wasn’t that much.

With our fancy antennas comes the ability to look up knowledge. Just tune into some kind of history station and ask your radio to bring up the right segment. Boom, knowledge at your earlobes! None of this fancy visual nonsense clouding it up. And it’s all reality drivel anyway. Maybe I can write into whoever does digital antenna installation around Melbourne and sell my idea. And make millions! All for me! And then I can buy as many meds as I want.

-Hubert