Ringwood Forever

I’ve lived in Ringwood my entire life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I hear stories about people who leave this town, and I think those people must be crazy. Why would you want to leave Ringwood? It’s safe here. One of the safest places in the world, if not the safest. Out there, in the big wide world, there’s all this crime and disaster everywhere, but nothing bad ever seems to happen in Ringwood. It’s controlled here, almost as if we’re all in a television show where absolutely nothing can go wrong. I love it.

That’s why I have never left Ringwood. Someone once suggested that they would get some brake repair around Vermont, and I couldn’t help but laugh at them. Leave Ringwood? That’s a great joke. Yeah, good luck with that, buddy. It’s dangerous out there. You’ll probably get bitten by a snake or something the moment you leave the suburb’s border. I’m still laughing about it.

I work in insurance, and I literally won’t give anybody a policy if they have left Ringwood in the last year. It’s just too risky. I expect Ringwood to be the place you got your latest roadworthy certificate. Ringwood should be the place where your children were born, where your entire family lives. There is literally no good reason to leave Ringwood if you live here.

Play Goblins and Grottos? Get your group to come to your Ringwood house. Want to go to the cinemas? Do it in Ringwood. Want to go on a holiday? Do it in Ringwood. Are you starting to see a pattern here? Stay in Ringwood and you’ll have a long, happy life.

My friend Joey once asked me if I wanted to go to the football with him. I kindly agreed, then went to the local football club on Saturday and watched the game there. Joey didn’t show up, presumably because he meant the football in the city, and I haven’t spoken to him since. I assume he never made it back because that’s what happens when you leave the safe bubble of Ringwood.